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Forum "Korrekturlesen" - Comment
Comment < Korrekturlesen < Englisch < Sprachen < Vorhilfe
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Comment: Kontrolle
Status: (Frage) beantwortet Status 
Datum: 19:52 Mo 21.04.2008
Autor: cynthia777

Aufgabe
Consumerism is a major factor in the degradation of the earth. Huge amounts of the earth's resources are being used up to produce the things we buy, many of which get thrown away, when something "new" comes along. Discuss ideas how this vicious circle might be interrupted.

Hallo!
Es wäre sehr nett,wenn jemand (möglichst schnell) die Grammatik (besonders Präpositionen und Satzbau) in meinem Comment kontrollieren könnte!

Vielen DANK!!!!
Ps: Tut mir leid, dass ich das jetzt do kurzfrisig reinstelle!

Hier mein Comment:
There are much more products, which are produced, then we could ever use. Everyday the industrial countries throw tons of consumer goods away. For the production of these goods, resources have been taken which are being used up and while producing, the air becomes polluted, too. Our mentality of consumerism is a big problem, but which things could be a solution?
The people in the “rich countries” should rise up there awareness of consuming. For example if they throw food away, which is still okay but not as fresh as it was when they bought it.
All people who throw good things away should learn to think highly of their lifestyle and the consequences of their actions. The production of all our goods destroys the environment and is often not necessary; so if we don’t stop buying things, which we don’t really need, the enterprises don’t stop producing them.
One possibility could be to give the things we don’t like anymore, for example cloths, to relief organizations who give them to people in need.
A big point is also the quality of the products. The enterprises should just produce goods which are really necessary and which can be used for a longer period of time, for example bags that were made out of fabric material and which could be used for more then one time in contrast to plastic bags, which you get in every shop and throw them away at home.
People should learn to buy just as much food as they really need in the next time and not to lay in stocks.
We should do without unnecessary things, like promotional gifts, because often we do not need them and – throw them away.
All in all I think a change of our awareness while consuming goods would have good effects on the environment. Even this change is difficult, because our economy is based on the consumer society; it is a step which must be done for our future.


        
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Comment: Antwort
Status: (Antwort) fertig Status 
Datum: 21:00 Mo 21.04.2008
Autor: rainerS

Hallo!

Hier meine Korrektur. Abgesehen von ein paar Fehlern habe ich einige Formulierungen markiert, die ich anders schreiben würde. Du musst entscheiden, was dir besser gefällt.

>  There are much more products, which are produced, thenthan we
> could ever use.

> Everyday the industrial countries throw away
> tons of consumer goods away.

Es ist nicht grundsätzlich falsch, wie du es geschrieben hast, aber im Zweifelsfall solltest du die beiden Teile "throw" und "away" nicht auseinanderreißen.

> For the production of these
> goods, resources have been taken which are being used up
> and while producing, the air becomes polluted, too.

> Our
> mentality of consumerism is a big problem, but which things what
> could be a solution?

>  The people in the “rich countries” should rise upincrease theretheir
> awareness of consuming.

> For example, ifwhen they throw food
> away, which is still okay but not as fresh as it was when
> they bought it.

> All people who throw good things away should learn to think
> highly of earnestly about their lifestyle and the consequences of their
> actions.

"To think highly of" bedeutet "Etwas für sehr gut halten". Das hast du sicher nicht gemeint ;-)

> The production of all our goods destroys the
> environment and is often not necessary; so if we don’t stop
> buying things, which we don’t really need, the enterprises
> don’t stop producing them.

>  One possibility could be to give the things we don’t like
> anymore, for example cloths, to relief organizationscharities who
> give them to people in need.

>  A big point is also the quality of the products. The
> enterprises should justonly produce goods which are really
> necessary and which can be used for a longer period of
> time, for example bags that were made out of fabric
> material and which could be used for more thenthan one time in
> contrast to plastic bags, which you get in every shop and
> throw them away at home.

> People should learn to buy just as much food as they really
> need in the next timenear future and not to lay in stocks.

>  We should do without unnecessary things, like promotional
> gifts, because often we do not need them and – throw them
> away.

> All in all I think a change of our awareness while
> consuming goods would have good effects on the environment.
> Even this change is difficult, because our economy is based
> on the consumer society; it is a step which must be done
> for our future.

Viele Grüße
   Rainer

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Comment: Mitteilung
Status: (Mitteilung) Reaktion unnötig Status 
Datum: 21:39 Mo 21.04.2008
Autor: cynthia777

Vielen Dank für deine Hilfe!!!! -Vor allem das du so schnell geantwortet hast!!

Bin mal gespannt, was es für eine Note wird...

Noch einen schönen Abend und nochmals 1000 Dank!!!

Cynthia

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